In their June 2008 issue, Vanity Fair printed a picture of the 15-year-old pop singer and Disney Channel star, Miley Cyrus, looking seductively at the camera with her top covered only by a sheet. If you have seen the photo, you know that it is very strange to see a young girl doing this. Why does seeing this photo create an uncomfortable feeling for us, considering that she is more covered up than she would be if she were wearing most bathing suits? What does this picture tell us about the way our children are being taught to think?

When a woman is covering herself only with a sheet and looking at the camera suggestively, such a photograph is obviously intending to be sexually arousing in some sense. But could we come to the same conclusion about this photograph of a young girl? Surely magazine editors would not use a girl who is not even old enough to drive a car by herself to sexually excite its readers. They especially would not do this in a magazine like Vanity Fair, which is a magazine read by adults, would they?

Before we try to answer these questions, let’s just look at what the picture shows us. By having Cyrus topless, covered by a sheet, it seems to be saying that this 15-year-old girl is ready to sleep with someone. Or perhaps she wants people to think she wants to sleep with someone. In any case, the message seems to be that Miley Cyrus is not a Disney Channel child star any more; she is a sexual being. So, to answer the previous question, I believe that I would say this, “Yes. Vanity Fair did intend to make this 15-year-old girl into a sexual object in order to sell magazines to adults.” (When was the last time you heard 12-year-olds discussing an article from the latest issue of Vanity Fair?) In fact, selling Cyrus as a sex object to adults probably worked from a business perspective. Just look at the amount of attention it has brought to Vanity Fair and Cyrus recently.

This picture points to the fact that it is no longer merely true that “sex sells.” Rather, this picture shows us that “teenage sex sells;” and it sells in the mainstream market. How do we deal with this in regards to our own families? This is probably particularly frightening to those of you who have daughters. And I believe it should be frightening. Cyrus’s show, Hannah Montana, is watched primarily by kids from ages 6 to 14. If you have a young daughter at home, I am relatively sure they have either seen this picture or heard about it. This picture tells young fans of Cyrus that their bodies are commodities, and their bodies are even more valuable commodities when they are extremely young.

How do we teach girls that it is not alright to be sexually provocative the way that Cyrus is in this photo? It will be particularly difficult to do so when it seems to be paying off so well for her. She already has a successful career in singing and acting, and now people are sexually attracted to her as well. Cyrus seems to have achieved acceptance by the world, and she took off her clothes. Your daughter might think: “I should do the same thing.” This Cyrus photo is only one of innumerable sources sending this type of message, and some of them are aimed particularly at our kids.

The problem with Cyrus is also compounded by the fact that many of your daughters probably watched or watch her show in which she is represented as a wholesome and clean girl who has a grounded and loving family. Cyrus has been given and promoted this clean image, but this picture suggests that a girl can do both: be wholesome and a sexual object. Her public image fails to show the negative consequences of teenagers being sexual active.

The problem is that teens are getting their point of view from the media. They need to hear from us! But as parents, we are at a disadvantage, because the media and personalities like Cyrus often have more credibility with our teenage girls. The question becomes, how do we communicate the truth to our girls?

Here are my suggestions:

• Build trust with them. Remember, this takes a long time. But if there is no trust, you will not be able to get anywhere with your daughter. There is no better time to start than now.
• Come alongside them. This means being slow to judge or condemn and finding out about their interests with them before you make a decision about it.
• Discuss different issues like this picture with them regularly. Remember that discussion involves listening to them and thinking about what they say.
• Try to find the logic in the emotions your daughter is experiencing.
• Show them the unpleasant realities behind the mentality that the media promotes. (Remember, Dads, we know how guys think, and the media does too, but the media does not tell our daughters about this).
• Explain that this picture makes Miley Cyrus an object. She is no longer seen as her unique self: a real person with thoughts, feelings, and needs. Explain this to your daughter, and she will have a better chance of understanding why you do not like this mentality that the media communicates. Explain that it is unfair to treat any person this way. Also, share your desire to prevent this from happening to her as well.
• Show your daughter that Cyrus and other girls who use their bodies to get attention want to be loved and are being deceived about what love looks like and how love is obtained.

These are some ideas to get you started.

Remember, these ideas that the media promotes are very convincing for children. These ideas have also probably been engrained in your kids’ minds from their constant exposure to it. Do not expect to show your daughter all the dangers and change her mind overnight.

I would like to hear back from you about what you think about the Cyrus’ photo, the ideas in this article, or the approaches to showing your teen the dangers the media promotes. Perhaps you have different ideas about this picture or about how we should respond to it as parents. Whether you agree or disagree, I would love to hear what you have to say about these topics.